Why You Should not Send Care Packages in International Adoption - Uganda
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To send a care package or not? That is a question that many adoptive parents ask themselves as soon as they are matched with a child overseas.
Some of the answers to the question was extracted from across the word adoption website where Amy Eldridge wrote as follows; As an adoptive mom myself, I remember vividly searching for the perfect stuffed animal to send to my new daughter – a pink bunny that was incredibly soft. I wanted to think of her sleeping with it every night, waiting for the day she would finally have a family. Of course, adoption day finally came and she arrived without the rabbit, and I of course had to wonder if she had ever even gotten it. The honest answer? She had not. Once I began working heavily with her orphanage, I quickly learned that care packages were not given to the children, but for very good reasons that I had not thought about in my own desire to feel a connection to my daughter-to-be. I have realized after talking to dozens of orphanage directors that care packages are usually much more important to the parent than the child, and they are often actually hurtful to all the other children living in an institution who have not been chosen by families.
Care package should not be sent for other reasons singled out below;
Singling out one child in a group living situation can be very disruptive, and so many orphanages just put the care package away and don’t even bring it out until the bus or van ride to provincial. It can be very upsetting to all the children still waiting for homes (or ineligible for adoption) to see just one child get a package with presents. I think it is very important for us to remember the children who will not ever receive the gift of a family.
I also think it is important to remember that not only is it hurtful to the other kids in an orphanage when a child is singled out, but it also can be detrimental to the child being adopted as well. We shouldn’t think that every orphaned child is congratulating the one chosen for adoption. I know of many cases where older kids who have either aged out of the system or who weren’t given a chance took out their frustrations on children who were picked for adoption. Kids can be quite cruel at times, as we all know – and I understand completely how distressing it can be for the older kids who never got a chance to find a family. A care package can be like rubbing salt in their wounds. While some will react with tears or sadness to know they will never be chosen, others can react with anger towards the kids who have received care packages.
I have never had an orphanage director tell me they love care packages. I think they tolerate them because they know it means a lot to adoptive parents. But if a family sends a stuffed animal or a blanket to a child, they need to know the odds are slim that the child will be given it. Aunties worry that nice gifts from overseas will be damaged; many orphanages put babies in multiple cribs so keeping track of one blanket is difficult; urine leaks with cloth diapers are a daily occurrence and so stuffed animals aren’t really practical, among others.
Some care packages are not properly marked for customs and this leaves the orphanage indebted to Uganda Revenue Authority in custom tax. In short, care packages are sometimes burdensome to the orphanages. As an alternative, simply send photos of the family, so that the aunties in the orphanage can get to see where the child they have cared for is going. The orphanage staff can choose whether or not to share the photos with the child. The child will know at least a bit in advance who is coming for him or her.
Additionally, it is not automatic that after being matched with the child, court will grant the Application for adoption. The Judge reserves the discretion and it may be difficult for the adoptive family that will have bonded with the child a great extent to accept the decision of the Judge. It is advisable for the adoptive parents to keep their distance until the Judge grants the Application. This is however different from adoptive parents who are already fostering the child.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Angualia Daniel
Uganda Adoption attorney.
Copyright Angualia Busiku & Co. Advocates
More information about Angualia Busiku & Co. Advocates
Disclaimer: While every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy of this publication, it is not intended to provide legal advice as individual situations will differ and should be discussed with an expert and/or lawyer. For specific technical or legal advice on the information provided and related topics, please contact the author.
Care package should not be sent for other reasons singled out below;
Singling out one child in a group living situation can be very disruptive, and so many orphanages just put the care package away and don’t even bring it out until the bus or van ride to provincial. It can be very upsetting to all the children still waiting for homes (or ineligible for adoption) to see just one child get a package with presents. I think it is very important for us to remember the children who will not ever receive the gift of a family.
I also think it is important to remember that not only is it hurtful to the other kids in an orphanage when a child is singled out, but it also can be detrimental to the child being adopted as well. We shouldn’t think that every orphaned child is congratulating the one chosen for adoption. I know of many cases where older kids who have either aged out of the system or who weren’t given a chance took out their frustrations on children who were picked for adoption. Kids can be quite cruel at times, as we all know – and I understand completely how distressing it can be for the older kids who never got a chance to find a family. A care package can be like rubbing salt in their wounds. While some will react with tears or sadness to know they will never be chosen, others can react with anger towards the kids who have received care packages.
I have never had an orphanage director tell me they love care packages. I think they tolerate them because they know it means a lot to adoptive parents. But if a family sends a stuffed animal or a blanket to a child, they need to know the odds are slim that the child will be given it. Aunties worry that nice gifts from overseas will be damaged; many orphanages put babies in multiple cribs so keeping track of one blanket is difficult; urine leaks with cloth diapers are a daily occurrence and so stuffed animals aren’t really practical, among others.
Some care packages are not properly marked for customs and this leaves the orphanage indebted to Uganda Revenue Authority in custom tax. In short, care packages are sometimes burdensome to the orphanages. As an alternative, simply send photos of the family, so that the aunties in the orphanage can get to see where the child they have cared for is going. The orphanage staff can choose whether or not to share the photos with the child. The child will know at least a bit in advance who is coming for him or her.
Additionally, it is not automatic that after being matched with the child, court will grant the Application for adoption. The Judge reserves the discretion and it may be difficult for the adoptive family that will have bonded with the child a great extent to accept the decision of the Judge. It is advisable for the adoptive parents to keep their distance until the Judge grants the Application. This is however different from adoptive parents who are already fostering the child.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Angualia Daniel
Uganda Adoption attorney.
Copyright Angualia Busiku & Co. Advocates
More information about Angualia Busiku & Co. Advocates
View all articles published by Angualia Busiku & Co. Advocates
Disclaimer: While every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy of this publication, it is not intended to provide legal advice as individual situations will differ and should be discussed with an expert and/or lawyer. For specific technical or legal advice on the information provided and related topics, please contact the author.
