Draft TARP Bailout Forms For The $700 Billion Dollar Troubled Asset Relief Program
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The author has prepared these draft forms for use in TARP, the $700 billion Troubled Asset Relief Program. While the forms may need some tweaking, in this humorous article the author provides draft forms not just for TARP 1, but also for TARP 2 when financial institutions need to request additional funds.
Suggested TARP Bailout Forms Now Available
One of the first forms that Banking Lawyers across the nation and in California (not to mention Wall Street) will be asked to prepare and fill out by banking clients is likely to be called TARP 1, named after the Troubled Asset Relief Program just passed by Congress. So to assist these banking attorneys we have made available these draft forms.
TARP 1, we believe will probably look something like this:
U.S. Department of the Treasury
1500 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20220
Attn: Hank Paulson
We at _____________ Financial Institution, qualify under provision ___ of the Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP) as being a financial institution in the U.S. with mortgage based securities.
While no person in their right mind would now purchase these mortgage based securities, other than you fine individuals at the U.S. Treasury, and while these assets have a market value of absolutely nada on the open market, we hereby apply for their sale to the U.S. Treasury at the nominal price of $_____ Billion dollars. We guarantee that this amount of money will return us to financial health and stability and keep us from filing bankruptcy.
Please have the U.S. Treasury wire this amount forthwith to Acct. # ______________________, Routing # _______________________ at our main branch so it does not become necessary for us to be unable to issue Christmas bonuses to the executives of our fine American institution or to cancel our annual retreat to the Cayman Islands.
We guarantee that no foreign government owns more than 70% of our common or preferred stock and we promise to vote Republican in the next election.
Sincerely,
CFO
__________ Financial Institution
We expect TARP 2, for financial institutions who need to ask for more money, to look like this:
U.S. Department of the Treasury
1500 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20220
Attn: Hank Paulson
We at _____________ Financial Institution, qualify under provision ___ of the Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP) as being a financial institution in the U.S. with mortgage based securities. The former CFO of our company is no longer with us, having been ejected from our Board of Directors.
While no person in their right mind would now purchase these additional mortgage based securities our former CFO failed to tell us about, other than you fine individuals at the U.S. Treasury, and while these assets have a market value of absolutely nada on the open market, we hereby apply for their sale to the U.S. Treasury at the nominal price of $_____ Billion dollars. Although we were wrong the last time we guaranteed the billions of dollars you gave us would return us to financial health and stability, we guarantee that this amount of money will almost certainly keep us from filing bankruptcy.
Please have the U.S. Treasury wire this amount forthwith to Acct. # ______________________, Routing # _______________________ at our main branch so we can afford to fly our executives back from their annual retreat in the Cayman Islands.
We guarantee that no foreign government owns more than 90% of our common or preferred stock and we promise to vote Democrat in the next election.
Sincerely,
New CFO
__________ Financial Institution
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: R. Sebastian Gibson
Sebastian Gibson graduated cum laude at UCLA in 1972 and received two law degrees in the U.S. and the U.K., graduating with an LL.B. magna cum laude from University College, Cardiff in Wales and a J.D. from the University of San Diego School of Law.
Mr. Gibson began his legal career in San Diego before practicing for years in London, England. Today, he has offices in Rancho Mirage and Palm Desert, Newport Beach, and the firm’s Of Counsel office is in Carlsbad, San Diego.
Mr. Gibson’s firm practices law in a wide variety of areas of law including banking law throughout Southern California from San Diego, Orange County, Irvine, Anaheim, Huntington Beach, Santa Ana, Ontario, Rancho Cucamonga, La Jolla, Temecula, Buena Park, Riverside, San Bernardino, Indio, Chula Vista, Escondido, Costa Mesa, Laguna Beach, Santa Monica, Santa Barbara, Ventura, Oxnard, San Luis Obispo, Indian Wells, Fullerton, Orange, Palm Springs, Palm Desert, and Newport Beach to Carlsbad.
Copyright Law Firm of Attorney R. Sebastian Gibson
More information about Law Firm of Attorney R. Sebastian Gibson
Disclaimer: While every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy of this publication, it is not intended to provide legal advice as individual situations will differ and should be discussed with an expert and/or lawyer. For specific technical or legal advice on the information provided and related topics, please contact the author.
One of the first forms that Banking Lawyers across the nation and in California (not to mention Wall Street) will be asked to prepare and fill out by banking clients is likely to be called TARP 1, named after the Troubled Asset Relief Program just passed by Congress. So to assist these banking attorneys we have made available these draft forms.
TARP 1, we believe will probably look something like this:
U.S. Department of the Treasury
1500 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20220
Attn: Hank Paulson
We at _____________ Financial Institution, qualify under provision ___ of the Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP) as being a financial institution in the U.S. with mortgage based securities.
While no person in their right mind would now purchase these mortgage based securities, other than you fine individuals at the U.S. Treasury, and while these assets have a market value of absolutely nada on the open market, we hereby apply for their sale to the U.S. Treasury at the nominal price of $_____ Billion dollars. We guarantee that this amount of money will return us to financial health and stability and keep us from filing bankruptcy.
Please have the U.S. Treasury wire this amount forthwith to Acct. # ______________________, Routing # _______________________ at our main branch so it does not become necessary for us to be unable to issue Christmas bonuses to the executives of our fine American institution or to cancel our annual retreat to the Cayman Islands.
We guarantee that no foreign government owns more than 70% of our common or preferred stock and we promise to vote Republican in the next election.
Sincerely,
CFO
__________ Financial Institution
We expect TARP 2, for financial institutions who need to ask for more money, to look like this:
U.S. Department of the Treasury
1500 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20220
Attn: Hank Paulson
We at _____________ Financial Institution, qualify under provision ___ of the Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP) as being a financial institution in the U.S. with mortgage based securities. The former CFO of our company is no longer with us, having been ejected from our Board of Directors.
While no person in their right mind would now purchase these additional mortgage based securities our former CFO failed to tell us about, other than you fine individuals at the U.S. Treasury, and while these assets have a market value of absolutely nada on the open market, we hereby apply for their sale to the U.S. Treasury at the nominal price of $_____ Billion dollars. Although we were wrong the last time we guaranteed the billions of dollars you gave us would return us to financial health and stability, we guarantee that this amount of money will almost certainly keep us from filing bankruptcy.
Please have the U.S. Treasury wire this amount forthwith to Acct. # ______________________, Routing # _______________________ at our main branch so we can afford to fly our executives back from their annual retreat in the Cayman Islands.
We guarantee that no foreign government owns more than 90% of our common or preferred stock and we promise to vote Democrat in the next election.
Sincerely,
New CFO
__________ Financial Institution
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: R. Sebastian Gibson
Sebastian Gibson graduated cum laude at UCLA in 1972 and received two law degrees in the U.S. and the U.K., graduating with an LL.B. magna cum laude from University College, Cardiff in Wales and a J.D. from the University of San Diego School of Law.
Mr. Gibson began his legal career in San Diego before practicing for years in London, England. Today, he has offices in Rancho Mirage and Palm Desert, Newport Beach, and the firm’s Of Counsel office is in Carlsbad, San Diego.
Mr. Gibson’s firm practices law in a wide variety of areas of law including banking law throughout Southern California from San Diego, Orange County, Irvine, Anaheim, Huntington Beach, Santa Ana, Ontario, Rancho Cucamonga, La Jolla, Temecula, Buena Park, Riverside, San Bernardino, Indio, Chula Vista, Escondido, Costa Mesa, Laguna Beach, Santa Monica, Santa Barbara, Ventura, Oxnard, San Luis Obispo, Indian Wells, Fullerton, Orange, Palm Springs, Palm Desert, and Newport Beach to Carlsbad.
Copyright Law Firm of Attorney R. Sebastian Gibson
More information about Law Firm of Attorney R. Sebastian Gibson
View all articles published by Law Firm of Attorney R. Sebastian Gibson
Disclaimer: While every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy of this publication, it is not intended to provide legal advice as individual situations will differ and should be discussed with an expert and/or lawyer. For specific technical or legal advice on the information provided and related topics, please contact the author.
